


Gotta Fuckin' Catch 'Em All

by SpaceKase



Series: Kasey's Incredibly Late Dadvid Appreciation Week [2]
Category: Camp Camp, Pokemon
Genre: Gen, cursing, darn it Max! the world of Pokemon is supposed to be child friendly!, so much cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-03-12 16:25:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13551135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceKase/pseuds/SpaceKase
Summary: The children of Sleepy Peak in the Unova region get their first pokemon. Nothing shady about that, no sirree!(Part of my incredibly late contribution to Dadvid Appreciation Week)





	Gotta Fuckin' Catch 'Em All

**Author's Note:**

> This is the 'Crossover AU' theme. (I don't actually think it's called that, but it's what I've been calling it). My first thought was 'Zombie apocalypse! ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!", but the thing is, I'm already working on a longer fic that's just that. So I decided to go with a Pokemon AU, instead; I'd been replaying Pokemon White, so it seemed appropriate.
> 
> At least one other person has come up with a Pokemon AU in the fandom; I haven't read it, myself, but if there are any similarities, I promise they're not intentional.
> 
> (every single pokemon mentioned here has either been illegally obtained, or is the victim of...er, shall we say...'legally and morally grey, at best' breeding experiments. All three of them have moves that such pokemon typically don't.)

“And now, for our next young trainer…” Professor Campbell glanced at the clipboard in his hands. “Marshall!”

Max rolled his eyes. The professor’s assistant, Gwen, might have hated it when he got her name wrong, but Max had given up trying to get him to remember his. “Yo. What’s left?” he asked.

The professor held out three pokeballs. “Why don’t you check and see for yourself?” he asked with a hearty laugh.

Max was fairly certain that meant he’d lost track of what was in which ball. Nothing about this lab seemed legitimate; for all he knew, the professor was trying to pawn off any illegal pokemon on people no one would ever suspect: children.

Specifically, the children right here in this town. It was a tiny backwater kind of town; it wasn’t even on any map of Unova.

Max was tempted to call Campbell out on this, but decided against it. He might not get a pokemon, if he did, and the sooner he left Sleepy Peak, the better.

Besides, David, the professor’s other assistant, had made him promise to be good today.

It was a special day. Max could do that. For _him._

Process by elimination was the best way of doing this. That’s what his friend Neil said once, the nerd. So Max started from the left, and pressed that pokeball’s button.

A foot-tall reptilian creature with huge yellow eyes was released from it. “Treecko,” it squeaked, folding its arms across its chest. Despite its tiny stature and squeaky voice, its aura oozed confidence.

Max could respect that, but he had two more to go.

The middle ball contained another reptilian creature, though this one was twice as tall as the other, bright orange, and the tip of its tail was on fire.

“You’d think that’d hurt, huh?” said Max.

The creature shrugged. “Char,” was its response.

Last but not least, yet another reptile stood before Max. This one was blue with a rather considerable overbite. The creature gave him a toothy grin. “Toto totodile!” it babbled.

“Got a thing for lizards this time around, eh Professor?” said Max.

Professor Campbell gave a hearty laugh. “Yes! I _definitely_ intended for that to be the case!”

 _Right, and me and David are blood-related_ , thought Max. He looked thoughtfully between the three pokemon in front of him.

“I like this one’s attitude,” he said, pointing at the treecko. “And this one’s kinda cute,” he said, pointing at the totodile. “But the opportunity to set a whole bunch of shit on fire is really too tempting to pass up. I’m gonna have to go with this one,” he said, picking up the Charmander. It was tricky, since it was only two feet shorter than him, but he managed it.

The creature slumped over his shoulder and lifted its flaming tail, displaying its rump at the professor. “Char,” it said, sounding completely disinterested.

Max liked his new pokemon, already.

“Well, there you have it! Your new friend for life! Now off you go,” said Campbell, all but shoving Max out the door of his lab.

Max glared behind him at the shut door. “Asshole,” he grumbled.

The Charmander in his arms huffed warmly against his neck, seemingly in agreement.

“Guess I should put you back in your ball, huh?” said Max.

The Charmander lifted its arms in what felt like a shrug. ‘Whatever,’ it seemed to be saying.

“Maybe I’ll leave you out. Just for a bit.”

Max set the creature down and started walking. Adventure awaited, apparently.

Although first, he had to make a pit stop.

\---

“Uh, David?”

Max heard a wet sniffle above his head. “Mm-hmm?”

Max pushed a bit at the man’s stomach. As much as he could, with the guy’s arms so tight around him. “I get that this is emotional and all, but it’s been, like, five minutes.”

It was Max’s fault, really; he should have prepared himself for this. His foster father was, by far, the clingiest, most sentimental, most emotional person he’d ever met. It almost got obnoxious at times.

Almost.

“I’m sorry, Max,” said David, pulling away. He brushed a tear from his eye. “I’m just… _so_ overwhelmed right now. I’m so proud! And happy! But…” His lower lip started to quiver.

Max rolled his eyes. “I’ll come back once in a while, David. It’s not like I’m moving out yet.”

“I know, I know.” David wiped his eyes before he smiled. “Come now; I want to get a picture of you and your new friend!”

As David ran off, Max knelt next to his Charmander, who’d watched the whole embarrassing scene rather patiently. “So hey, just before he takes the picture, I’m gonna hold up my middle finger. Can you do that with me?”

The charmander looked up at him thoughtfully before holding up its claws. It took the creature a few tries to get the gesture down, but he got it.

Max smiled. “Yeah; just like that.”

The creature smiled up at him. He looked just the tiniest bit pleased with himself.

“Alrighty, here we go!” exclaimed David. He posed Max with his Charmander. “All right…smile!”

They did.

“Say ‘Oran berry!’”

The minute David said that, Max and his Charmander flipped him off.

It took a second for David to realize what had happened. “Oh, for goodness sake, Max! You’re being a bad influence on your new pokemon! That is _so_ inappropriate! That is…” David’s lip started to wobble again, and before Max knew it, he was swept up into another hug. “ _Oh,_ I’m going to miss you _so much!”_ sobbed David.

Max did his best to turn back to his Charmander in David’s death grip. “Sorry; this may take a while,” he whispered.

This was why he’d promised to come back to the house after he got his first pokemon; he didn’t really want this scene to happen in the lab, or right outside it. Really, anywhere people could see it.

This crying fit went on for another solid two minutes. Once he recovered, David handed a handful of things to Max.

“Here you are! Five pokeballs, to catch more new friends, for you _and_ the little guy,” he said, nodding to the Charmander. “and a pokedex to record them in!”

Max frowned at the items in his hand. “Wasn’t the professor supposed to give me these?” he asked.

“Yes, well…The professor is incredibly busy, so he can be…forgetful at times. So I thought ahead!”

Max rolled his eyes. He’d never quite figured out why David hero worshiped the professor to the extent that he did; did he know that the guy had connections to every criminal organization around the world? He was pretty sure he’d seen the Team Rocket sigil on some crates when he’d gone snooping around the lab, once. “Right; sure,” he said, opening up the pokedex.

“Oh! I almost forgot! You can nickname your pokemon with this guy,” said David, pointing at the thing.

Max blinked at it. “Like… _officially?_ ” he asked. He’d been calling David’s blastoise ‘Hardass’ since he’d come under the man’s care, but that didn’t change the fact that his actual, legal, official nickname was Shelley.

“Yeppers!” exclaimed David, grinning ear to ear.

Max smirked as he typed something into the pokedex. “We are sorry; ‘Fucknuggets’ is not an appropriate nickname,” the thing’s mechanized voice said.

“Oh, _Max!”_ exclaimed David, appalled.

Max’s charmander just snickered behind its claws. He had a sense of humor; Max could tell that they were going to get along just fine.

“All right, fine…How about ‘Hellfire?”

David shook his head. “I doubt it, Max. Really, now, you should stop—”

“Accepted. Congratulations! You have obtained Hellfire the Charmander!”

David gazed at the pokedex with his jaw open, making him look a bit like a golbat. “Huh! It accepted it! How about that?” said Max, feeling rather proud of himself. He turned to his Charmander. “You like that, Hellfire?”

Hellfire nodded. “Char!” he said, looking just as smug as Max felt.

David cleared his throat. “W-well, all right, then! Are you ready to set off, Max?”

“Yeah; I think Neil and Nikki have their pokemon, by now. I should probably meet up with them.”

“That’s the spirit!” exclaimed David with a grin. “A pokemon journey is all about friendship! Bonding with your old ones, and making new ones!”

Max rolled his eyes. “I thought it was about beating the Elite Four,” he said.

“Oh, don’t you worry about that, Max! You’re just starting, after all. The journey is always more fun than the destination!”

“Yeah, yeah. I’d better get that started.” Max didn’t want to know how many more fortune cookie fortunes were in David’s head, so he shrugged on his backpack and pocketed the balls and pokedex. “You ready, Hellfire?”

The Charmander was already heading for the door. Max followed him, waving after him. “Bye, David! Love you!”

Thankfully, the door closed before another wave of waterworks could start.

\---

Neil and Nikki were already at the meet-up spot they’d agreed on, despite getting their pokemon after Max.

“David?” asked Neil.

“David,” said Max. “Didn’t even know the human body _had_ that many tears.”

“Aww, I think it’s kinda nice,” said Nikki with a smile. “He cares about you!”

Admittedly, it _was_ kind of nice. A better change of pace than the Cabots. But Max would never say that out loud. “Yep; he cares _too_ much. It’s why I’m late.” He placed a hand on Hellfire’s head. “Anyway, this is Hellfire. What’d you two pick?”

The two of them tossed a pokeball each. The totodile popped out of Neil’s; the treecko popped out of Nikki’s.

“This is Dailey!” exclaimed Nikki, pulling the creature to her chest. “We’re gonna climb _all_ the trees together!”

The treecko nodded, as though daring either Max or Neil to disagree with her.

Neil frowned. “Why ‘Dailey?’” he asked.

“Well I couldn’t call her ‘Nightly!’ She’s a _grass_ type; she needs sunlight!” exclaimed Nikki, rolling her eyes. _“Duh!”_

Neither boy could argue with that logic, so they let it slide. “And this is Lily,” said Neil, patting the totodile’s head. “Most water starters can learn Hidden Machine movies like surf and dive, so I figured it’d be the most practical.”

Max laughed. “You _would_ pick a pokemon based on that, you nerd.”

Neil flipped him off.

With that, their journey started proper.

**Author's Note:**

> Daily and Lily are actual pokemon I actually have, if any of you are interested. And despite the fact that the two most recent gens have started banning swear words in your pokemon's nicknames, they actually DO seem to have missed 'Hell;' I actually did send a ponyta named Hellfire into the wonder trade, once.
> 
> The role of the platypus is played by an aggressive psyduck, here. Neil asks "Are psyducks even native to this region?" Max retorts "We found it near Sleepy Peak, so probably not." Nikki butts in between them with Daily's pokeball and says "Who cares?? DIBS!" None of them wind up catching it; it's independent. It will not be caught.


End file.
